what a year! for holiday reading for my beloved audience (you all) - here’s my in/outs list for 2024. buckle up, it’s very long with a lot of opinions.
Ins/Outs 2024
✅ meditation
✅ affirmations
i started a regular meditation practice this month. i’ve wanted to do it for years, since my old roommate (and close friend!) kyle sustained one for the years we lived together and talked about the benefits it brought to his mental health.
well, it turns out, kyle was right. meditating has been the best thing for my mental health. it’s made me more balanced, more mindful, and helped me keep calm through this transition (tying up loose ends here, moving to london)
i also started an affirmations practice around my birthday (beginning of november) and it’s also been really sustaining. more of this in 2024.
⛔️ instagram
⛔️ tiktok
something that hasn’t been serving me lately is social media, in any and all forms. i’ve never had a twitter/X, so i’ve only watched that dumpster fire from afar. but recently, instagram has been making me so anxious and nauseous every time i’m on it. like, i physically feel nauseous. i’ve been on it less and less, and i think it’s been a big part in repairing my mental health.
also, i really don’t think we need the 1) consumerism, and 2) discourse tiktok has normalized. i think i can go without watching endless hauls/outfit videos trying to sell me plastic clothing, or the endless stream of hot takes and video essays. the OG purpose of tiktok (memes and microwaving my brain) has been replaced with some mix of QVC and youtube video essays shrunk down to 3 minutes.
a close friend of mine deleted all her social media over the course of a year, starting with instagram and then tiktok and twitter - i’m beginning to see the appeal. of course, i don’t think i can get rid of it completely (it’s been very good for plotting a cross-continent move and also connecting with new people) but in 2024, i would like to not be nauseous constantly, or sold things that are all some kind of plastic and will eventually end up in a landfill. whatsapp me instead! email me! anything!
✅ buying flowers for yourself & loved ones
this will never not be a thing. this is a constant, eternal, forever thing. who doesn’t love being gifted a bouquet of flowers? if we love someone, we are showing them in all the ways we can!!!
⛔️ dating apps
be honest: has a dating app served anyone well? don’t we always come away from the app and the chats and the hookups and the dates feeling worse about ourselves? i don’t know anyone who feels better about themselves when dating via apps. the apps are tech companies: they’re supposed to keep us on the app longer, and make money off us. why have we been conditioned to think this is the best way to meet people?
✅ reading everywhere (on the train, at bars, at the park, in bed)
a woman i dated once said i gave off main character energy because my favorite thing to do is sit at the bar of an establishment and blitz through a book. something about the white noise (when the sound levels are perfect) of a bar works better for my brain’s ability to read than the silence of a bedroom. (i won’t talk about adhd, but i know you’re all thinking it.)
it’s also just fucking sexy. like, tell me that if you see someone reading on the train, or at the bar - places where everyone else is immersed in their phones - you wouldn’t also be intrigued? it’s intriguing! people get curious about you.
when i travel alone, i almost always bring a book with me when i eat alone or go to a bar alone. 1) if the bartenders are busy pounding through a big group order, you can occupy yourself and read. 2) it always gives people an opening - if they want to talk to you, they can ask about the book. 3) it’s just way more interesting than sitting at a bar or restaurant scrolling on your phone. there’s just no conversational opening! unless you’ve got on a killer outfit, in which case, you can do anything you want.
⛔️ house/job hunting
this is the modern version of dante’s purgatory. like, i need a place to live. why do i need to send out 300 emails to get one response back that is a facetime request to “see if someone likes my vibe”?
no one wants to work, but we have to. why do we make the process so complicated for something no one wants but everyone must have under late-stage capitalism? the only thing worse than having a job is not having one and looking for one.
✅ unpretentious wine bars with low music
⛔️ rooftop bars full of tourists and tiktokers
look - i, too, had a rooftop bar era. what’s not to like (apart from everything being ridiculously overpriced)?
they’ve mostly now been ruined by tiktokers looking for content. i would like to drink my overpriced drink in peace, not next to 4 different ring lights. also, i don’t like it when a spot i otherwise like becomes full of loud social media people photographing everything and being obnoxious. i am declaring 2024 the era of the low-key wine bar. it’s just sexier to actually be able to hear each other and not have to shout.
bonus points if you’re a regular at the bar, and know all the bartenders. it’s hot to take a date somewhere where you’re a regular. it’s also a fun way to make friends!
✅ crafting/sewing/jewelry-making
we all spend too much time looking at screens. there’s some science behind important problems getting solved when we do a task that’s repetitive and uses our hands. we all need a hobby that doesn’t involve a screen and involves making things with our hands.
you can also make gifts! one of my favorite gifts ever is a pink handmade mug my dear friend peach made me. everyone loves a handmade gift.
⛔️ networking
why is this what people mistake for a social life nowadays?
✅ miracles as natural
✅ clearing limiting beliefs
⛔️ hoping for and feeling inadequate about some small earthly desire
look, idk. ask my meditation and affirmation practice. i’ll report back in 2024.
✅ intentional alignment
✅ trusting the process
⛔️ “meant to be”
i mean i’m all for not going against the will of fate, etc. god knows i’ve had my fair share of things i’ve wanted that just haven’t been meant for me. that’s not what i’m saying here. i think now so many of us let what’s “meant to be” shape our lives. like, that would be like if i came back to singapore after my visa rejection and was like, “oh this means i’m meant to live here.” no. fuck that. what do you want? want something. and then it’ll happen if it’s aligned. whatever happened to wanting and trying, to flying and failing and falling? it’s sexy to want something and fight for it, even if it’s not what we end up getting.
✅ wild + reciprocal desire
⛔️ situationships
i’m over confusion and making ourselves smaller and talking ourselves into feeling less. i am always “fuck yes” about someone. let desire be wild, and let it be met with reciprocation! let’s all manifest our wildest, most rewarding love affairs this year.
✅ your favorite neighborhood joint
⛔️ another nobu outpost
support your local restaurants/bars. the independent ones that aren’t a chain, or backed by a conglomerate. so many of the places i loved in brooklyn when i moved there in 2018 aren’t open any more, and while that’s a reality of the industry, it’s harder and harder to keep an establishment open with rising overheads. your money speaks. fight for the places you love. keep them open.
if you’re in brooklyn and don’t know where to start - may i suggest branded saloon in prospect heights? thank me later.
✅ writing because we that’s what we know how to do, and the tool we use to process the world
⛔️ career-oriented literary behavior
i’m so over the face-forwardness needed for publication these days. it’s become a who-do-you-know game, and i’m over it. it should be enough to let the work speak, but it’s now become less about the work and more about the writer as a public figure. when did we get here?
✅ sending poems to friends
⛔️ gatekeeping literary publication
⛔️ first-book contests
i’m over it. everyone i know is over it. tell me who this system is meant to benefit, because it’s none of us.
✅ compassion
the sexiest trait
⛔️ performative cancelling of other community members
i’ll be cancelled myself for my take on this, so i’m not going to elaborate.
⛔️ goodreads
there is so much wrong with goodreads, and the outsized importance it’s gained for books. the truth is no book is for everybody. if you like something, there’s a chance someone else saw nothing in it. rating books out of 5 is a really flattening and arbitrary system. as a writer, people spend years and sometimes over a decade on their books, and see little to no money in the process. to see random people tear apart my friends’ labors of love based on their subjective preferences drives me insane. reviews are like “i don’t like poetry/don’t read poetry, so i didn’t like this” - do you realize someone poured years into this book and then had to send it out for years for a chance at publication? every book is a made object. why is a novel aggregately 3.75/5? why is another novel aggregately 4.3/5? it’s like putting a math exam scoring rubric up to a piece of art.
it’s made it totally normal to use goodreads as a form of revenge. a spurned/scorned ex can very easily make fake profiles and bring the book down, or people who haven’t read the book can call it problematic simply based on its premise. as an industry, we are giving goodreads too much power to make or break books (especially debuts.) it is my sincerest wish that we see goodreads for what it is in 2024: too unregulated, a failed democracy.
see also: review-bombing. and this article from the guardian.
✅ afternoon naps/siestas
⛔️ capitalist over-exertion
naps are good. naps are natural. take the nap.
✅ combo sunscreen/moisturizer products
⛔️ 12-step skincare routines with snail mucin
i’m not an expert, but it is my firm belief that all you need for a good, basic skincare routine is: 1) a damn good sunscreen (spf 50), 2) an antioxidant/vitamin c product, 3) a day moisturizer, 4) tretinoin/a strong retinol, 5) a night moisturizer, and 6) consistency.
if we’re getting personal, that’s all i use for my own routine. admittedly, i use mostly la roche posay because my old dermatologist told me not to use anything but that or elta MD. i use a LOT of sunscreen, taken down to the neck and applied regularly, even on cloudy days. i’ve been using this combo spf 50+ sunscreen/moisturizer from avene that i got in europe this summer and the convenience and efficacy is changing my life.
✅ “thank you” texts the night of/day after a house party/date/hang
✅ handwritten letters
✅ care packages
✅ voice memos
⛔️ texting across extreme timezones
caring is sexy. i’ve never been afraid to be the one who loves more, or cares more. it’s so hot to tell someone you love them, or are thinking about them! it always makes my day! it makes you a better lover, a better friend, a better person in someone’s life - who doesn’t want that?
✅ getting lost on google maps
✅ making local friends and asking for recs
⛔️ travel blogs + tiktok travel guides
if you made it this far, here’s my biggest travel secret.
i realized this when i went to hokkaido in may, and greece over the summer, that everyone is reading the same fucking travel blogs and watching the same tiktoks and going to the same places. everyone goes to the same few towns/cities/islands and eats at the same restaurants.
my personal secret for finding cool places on holiday is to get lost on google maps. (and get lost in person.) i’ll often walk past a cool place in person, and locate it on a map. on google maps, the same principle applies. i’ll find a place someone has recommended, and look around it. i’ll look at other similar places that pop up on google, i’ll look around the neighborhood and click on random establishments, sometimes i’ll search something like “wine bar” and move the map around different areas and see what comes up in each one.
the best way to optimize your vacation is to get a little lost. if you’re afraid of doing that IRL, doing it on google maps is the best way to find places that are a bit more unique.
✅ small-batch, organic
⛔️ celebrity alcohol brands
it feels like every celebrity has an alcohol brand now. i’m not interested in casamigos or the tequila brand by the rock - i’m always, and always have been, more interested in the small-batch producers with organic farms/vineyards making things with heart, incredible technique, and in new ways. i’m all for a point of view, a new approach, and a human story. that’s what pulls me to a glass of wine: the story behind it - the people, the technique, the terroir, the history.
that’s all! if you made it this far, thank you.
thank you for reading, subscribing and sharing! this started as an experiment this year, and i’m so proud to see what it has blossomed into! i appreciate your eyeballs and ears very much - especially in an era of incessant marketing emails you delete. i’ll see you in the new year <3